Everyone wants to be loved and give love. To give and equally receive love we need to understand ourselves and what it takes when it comes to building a healthy relationship.
In this article we’ll learn:
- About the 8 Key components of emotional intelligence in a healthy relationship
- What’s required of us before entering into a relationship and
- Overcoming relationship challenges
Building a Foundation for a Healthy Relationship
It’s true that all healthy relationships are built on trust, commitments, respect, holding each other in high regard etc. Some experts even claim that there are 20 factors that form the foundation of a healthy relationship including:
- Patience
- Love
- Laughter
- Humility
- Autonomy
And the list just continues. It’s like walking into a Live. Love. Laugh home where everything is perfect.
Although all these components are required to make a relationship work, they should hardly all be placed as being part of the foundation. Before entering into a relationship is where the foundation is created. That is my belief.
You can have patience, autonomy, commitment etc. while in a relationship but if you’re not ready and your foundation wasn’t set prior to entering into the relationship, it may well fail.
Therefore, the two things I believe are necessary before entering into a relationship – which forms part of the foundation – is understanding yourself and building a strong emotional intelligence.
Understanding Oneself Before Engaging in Relationships
Before entering into a romantic relationship, it is important to understand yourself. Knowing and understanding yourself will make it easier to make decisions, honest judgements and retain your own value and worth.
There are a few things you can do to get to know you a little better. Trust me, it’s worth it and you’ll love getting to know you.
Firstly, you’d want to practice self-reflection and self-awareness. When we understand our drives, impulses and influences we’ll have an easier time achieving a happier, fulfilling life. We do this by looking inward and examining our behaviors and emotional responses.
This leads us to identifying personal values and priorities. These are things that we’ve learnt over the years that we find important and prioritize over others. Luckily there are no right or wrong personal values. However, you should be aware of the impact your decisions may have on your life.
Knowing your personal values and not placing them on the backburner when in a relationship will ultimately give you a sense of self-awareness and result in a more fulfilling life.
If you fail to stick to your core values and beliefs you might end up losing your true self and feeling lost within the relationship.
Building a Strong Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence is your ability to be aware of, control and express your emotions in a healthy manner. In a relationship it also means being aware of your partner’s emotions.
According to Angela Bisignano, there are 8 key components to emotional intelligence when it comes to relationships:
- Friendship: strong relationships are built first through friendship. They care for, support and have mutual affection for each other. Ultimately, they are companions and confidants.
- Respect: respect means to honor your partner’s needs, wishes and hold them in high regard.
- Communication: they are able to communicate openly their thoughts, feelings, and needs in a healthy way. The communication is free of criticism and contempt.
- Conflict management: It’s important to know how to navigate conflict, disagreements and differences. Learning to communicate openly and find compromises will help navigate conflict.
- Encourage the relationship: having an identity as a couple as well as separate identities as individuals.
- Healthy boundaries: knowing what your boundaries are and not having them taken for granted.
- Being aware of each other’s meaning, values and purpose: this translates to what motivates the other and what their passions are.
- Sharing life: finding ways to connect with each other on a regular basis. Turn toward your partner when you are down AND when thigs are going well.
Forming and Building a Healthy Relationship
When it comes to forming healthy relationships, there are a few things to keep in mind:
- Identifying common interests and shared values
- Communicating effectively; verbally and non-verbally
- Setting clear boundaries
- Cultivating trust and mutual respect and
- Expressing appreciation and gratitude.
There are instances where the idiom opposites attract ring true. However, this may not be the case for most. Having shared interests will lead to better understanding of each other and a stronger connection.
Shared interests are usually what starts a relationship but it’s the values that takes it further. Shared values mean being able to talk about and agree on the big things in life like children, where you want to live and what both parties want for the future.
Furthermore, both parties must be able to openly communicate their big picture without judgement. This is where communication and respect come in. If you are someone that struggles with communication, then please read my full article on developing communication skills.
Finally, you have to be able to show gratitude and appreciation. Your partner will never know when they do something that you enjoy if you don’t show appreciation. It’s saying “thank you” when they do something nice and showing gratitude to indicate how much they matter to you.
Overcoming Relationship Challenges
It should come as no surprise that all relationships have dips. You have disagreements and conflict, but always remember that these are normal. They happen. Imagine how boring life would be if you had a yes-man on your side.
No two people are alike and you will at some point have a difference of opinion. However, there should be certain behaviors that should never be allowed like:
- Cheating
- Hitting, biting, slapping, or any type of abuse including verbal and emotional abuse
Please also see my full article on 5 Types of Hidden Verbal Abuse if you’re not sure what to look out for.
However, when conflict arise, there are a few things you can learn to do to overcome these relationship challenges:
- Respecting each other’s’ differences
- Consider what’s best for you. I’m not saying to take the road at the first sign of struggle, but if you know you’re not treated as an equal, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.
- Communicate with your partner. I have a rule that I live by: when too emotionally charged I take a break. It’s best to cool down and think everything over before getting into a heated argument.
- Find a solution that benefits both of you. Both must be motivated and open to change which will lead to a win-win situation.
- Both parties have to actively listen. Each knows what a win will look like for them, but by active listening they can find a solution that will benefit both.
Conclusion
When building a healthy relationship it’s important to first start with yourself. If you’re not ready, a relationship will not be ready. You have to understand yourself and have a strong emotional intelligence.
There are 8 key components to a healthy relationship each complementing the next. When those are adhered to love, commitment, humility etc. are sure to follow on its own.
Furthermore, the importance of communication and active listening cannot be stressed enough when it comes to building a strong, lasting, and healthy relationship.
Finally, managing conflict in a relationship will lead to a lasting and happy one. Remember there are two people in a relationship. Both need to be happy with the chosen solution, otherwise the conflict will continue.
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