When we talk about verbal abuse we immediately think about screaming and shouting. We can even add in things like name-calling and being put down in conversations. These are different types of verbal abuse.
However, today I will write about 5 types of hidden verbal abuse. This type of abuse is something that can go unnoticed to most people. Let’s get into it.
Gaslighting
According to google gaslighting means, “manipulate (someone) using psychological methods into questioning their own sanity or powers of reasoning.”
To put it simply, someone manipulates you into thinking that whatever you think happened never happened.
Some phrases they use would include:
- Don’t be a negative Nancy
- You’re making that up
- You heard it wrong
- You’re so dramatic
- You don’t know what you’re talking about
There are plenty more types of phrases that can be included. The problem is that they don’t seem abusive until you look a little closer.
These phrases are supposed to make you doubt yourself and feel dumb. The individual doing this to you has a motive. They use these types of phrases because they know your weak points. They know what to say to hurt you the most.
Silent Treatment
Don’t we all do this? Especially when we’re angry at a partner, friend or family member. There’s an extremely fine line between giving silent treatment as a way to not hurt the other person and abuse. Let me explain.
I’ve learnt that when I’m upset I would rather go completely quiet and will only say something when I’m being spoken to. The reason is because I know if I lash out I might say things that would hurt the other person more and I will regret it.
During silent treatment I would rather wait it out until I’m calmed down before I speak to the person that hurt me. But what about silent treatment as a form of abuse?
silent treatment as abuse
The key term with this type of abuse is “ignoring”. When we ignore someone we make them feel as if they don’t matter. They may end up feeling worthless, lonely and a drop in confidence.
If this happens enough then they will end up putting the blame on themselves. The victim may begin to feel as if they deserve what’s happening to them.
A small act of ignoring someone and giving them the silent treatment for no good reason will result in a total breakdown of their personality. They have negative self-talk and will begin to punish themselves as well.
This type of abuse intends on the following:
- It is emotionally abusive
- It’s mainly used as a tactic to control the victim
- Anxiety as a result
- It’s a form of manipulation
- Creates confusion for the victim
Countering
This type of abuse is having a tendency to be argumentative. It’s finding ways to always have the opposite view of the other.
The victim may share positive thoughts and feelings of a concert they just saw. The abuser may then attempt to convince the victim that their feelings surrounding the concert is wrong.
Basically it’s dismissing the victim’s feelings, experiences and thoughts on a regular basis. It results in the victim feeling like their thoughts and feelings don’t matter. Countering might cause the victim to stop sharing and start keeping everything inside.
By doing this, the victim might end up with mental health issues like depression and anxiety. To read more on hidden abuse I strongly recommend reading Healing from Hidden Abuse by Shannon Thomas.
Judging and Criticizing as Types of Abuse
This type of abuse involves a negative evaluation of the partner. It is best explained in the following examples:
- You always find something to be upset about
- You are never satisfied
It’s a way to make the victim feel “less than” and as if nothing they do is ever good enough. Again, this breaks down their confidence and self-esteem.
Forgetting
Forgetting might not seem like an obvious type of abuse. But that’s why it’s called hidden. This type of abuse covers a range of issues. It can include forgetting about a date, your birthday, an important relationship milestone date etc.
Perhaps the person really did forget, but if it happens on the regular then it turn into neglect. The individual can make a bit of an effort to remember. There are multiple apps or even just a calendar to set simple reminders about important dates.
Forgetting will make the other feel like they don’t matter or that those dates are not nearly as important to the other. It’s also a way of dismissing the victim’s feelings as valid toward that specific date.
Victory Over Verbal Abuse
Yes, this is the title of a book by Patricia Evans. Victory Over Verbal Abuse is about reclaiming your life and making the choice to no longer live with abuse.
The author even includes a step by step guide toward healing and overcome the damage that has been done by the abuser. I recommend reading this book if you know of or is the victim of verbal abuse and want to break free from those chains.
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