In my previous two articles on the topic (Toxic Femininity: What is it? and How Toxic Femininity is Damaging Us) I touched on the topic’s definition, what it is as well as the psychological aspect of it.
In this article I discuss the ways on how to handle toxic femininity. I will focus on the following as well:
- How to handle it if noticed within the self and others
- How to shift the mindset from toxic to something more healthy
- Increase awareness around ourselves and our own thoughts
Noticing Toxic Femininity Within the Self or Others
More than not it’s easier to notice when someone else displays traits of toxic femininity and we find it difficult to notice it within ourselves. For example your friend might be worried about your choice to not have children. But you are worried that she’s not cooking every night to take care of her family.
So, let’s look at ways on how to handle toxic femininity if we notice it within ourselves or others.
Where does your beliefs stem from
This means going back to the source. Where did you first hear the term? What ideas did you pick up from what toxic femininity is and how does it differ from what you already believe? Understanding where the idea came from will be the first step in untangling these toxic ideas from your own beliefs.
Question your motivations
Question why you are doing the things you are doing. Do you feel like you should just because of your sex or gender, or is it something you truly want to do?
If you want to be a housewife, and not because it was something you grew up with, then that’s fine. It doesn’t mean you automatically choose a patriarchal system. Be authentically you. Do what makes you happy. There aren’t only two positions: patriarchy and feminism.
notice where you feel most pressured to conform
Take note of your surroundings when you feel the most prompted to conform. Are you with a group of opinionated, strong-willed friends who preach their values proudly? If you don’t feel the same way when you’re not with them, that’s okay. Don’t fall prey to group-think.
Whatever the scenario, if you feel the urge to agree although it’s not what you necessarily feel or agree with, it would be wise to distance yourself from these scenarios.
don’t be afraid to explore
You have to allow yourself to discover those aspects of your identity that goes against the norm. Don’t reject them as soon as they arise. They are there for a reason.
Reflect and question. Try to figure out where these aspects or thoughts are coming from. Question and explore them. There’s absolutely no harm in getting to know yourself better.
what media are you consuming
Consider limiting media outlets if you notice that they promote toxic femininity. These can include social media accounts and written publications.
However, it’s always a good idea to have knowledge of the ideals that you agree with as well as don’t agree with. Be wholly informed rather than following a belief blindly.
approach others with an open mind
If you’re not sure on how to handle other people’s comments and beliefs on toxic femininity it might be a good idea to ask. Don’t automatically start accusing that person. Ask them why they feel so strongly about X Y and Z.
adopt a no judgement mentality
Whether you agree with someone or not, remember it’s their choice. Support their self-expression even though you might not agree. Remember, you don’t want someone else attacking you for what you believe in, so don’t go around attacking and accusing others for their beliefs.
Remember to ask open-ended questions, practice active listening and avoid criticizing. To achieve an honest and productive conversation, both parties need to feel emotionally safe and supported.
Shifting Your Mindset From Toxic and Becoming Self-Aware
Instead of having a mindset fixated on the toxic things of the world, why not change it to a curious mindset?
According to Uprise Health having a curious mindset is to have an urge to observe the world around us. Learn everything you can and discover new ways of doing and thinking.
Why not approach the world with delight and wonder. Find new thoughts and feelings fascinating. Here are a few simple steps you can take to achieve that:
- Be open to new things. Learn what you can about the things you agree with as well as what you don’t necessarily agree with. It’s always good to try and understand things from a different perspective if you have all the information.
- Ask questions, as mentioned earlier. Show others that you are interested in their ways of thinking. Explore their reasoning and ideas and see where you might agree on things. You might be surprised by how similar others are to you.
- Limit technology. Consuming too much might leave you feeling more confused. However, when you make use of technology, seek sources that can be trusted. Don’t believe everything you read or watch. AI is on the rise and some people are putting out false information in the world.
- This one is complementary to the previous steps. Practice being mindful. Mindfulness will help you focus on the present. It will help you focus your thoughts and show gratitude for what you have and where you are.
Conclusion
Now that you have an idea on how to handle toxic femininity you can go out into the world with an open mind and explore everything it has to offer. Don’t stay stuck in your own mind and thoughts.
Not everything has to be toxic and band, it’s what we make of it.
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