A Guide to Building Self-Confidence and Adopt a Growth Mindset

Self-confidence, that flickering flame within us, holds the power to transform lives and fuel personal and professional growth. We’ve all experienced the weight of self-doubt, the whispers that cast shadows over our aspirations.

But picture a different reality, one where unwavering self-confidence is your constant companion. In this alternate version of your story, challenges become stepping stones, failures become valuable lessons, and setbacks become catalysts for growth.

It is the unwavering faith in oneself, the recognition of untapped potential. It emboldens us to step out of our comfort zone, sculpt a life aligned with our deepest desires, and command attention in our chosen field.

Beyond propelling us forward, self-confidence transforms our emotional well-being. It nurtures self-acceptance, shields us from self-doubt, and frees us from the need for external validation.

This guide will help you understand self-confidence and assist with breaking the barriers of limiting beliefs, cultivate a positive self-image, adopting a growth mindset and more.

Understanding Self-Confidence

Self-confidence can be defined as the attitude you have towards your skills, talents, abilities and goals. If your attitude toward these are positive it means you feel in control, you accept and trust yourself.

It also means you understand and know your weaknesses and have a positive view of yourself. The goals you set are realistic, you’re able to handle criticism well and you know how to communicate assertively.

However, there are common misconceptions about self-confidence and growth:

• Thinking that only wealthy people have self-confidence
• Holding the belief that only smart or intelligent people can have self-confidence
• Self-confidence cannot be learnt as an adult

Identifying Limiting Beliefs

One of the biggest setbacks we face in cultivating self-confidence and personal growth is limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs is like an illness constantly holding us back from everything good we truly deserve and can achieve in life.

Limiting beliefs are basically the negative assumptions and perceptions we have about ourselves and the world around us. But it also acts as a defense mechanism that protects us from pain.

A defense mechanism forms in the subconscious, usually starting in early childhood, and continues through adulthood. We reference hurtful past experiences and find ways to prevent those experiences from reoccurring.

However, these defense mechanisms can act as boundaries that may lead to anxiety, procrastination or worse, imposter syndrome.

Luckily, there are techniques to recognize and challenge negative beliefs:

1. Whenever you catch yourself thinking in a negative manner about your skills, abilities, talents or goals, write them down. These can be anything from “I’m not smart enough to reach that goal” to “I’m definitely not skilled enough for that job”.
2. Assess the accuracy of the belief. List the things you’ve achieved in your life as proof that Yes! You are the right person for the job and YES! You are definitely smart enough to reach that goal!
3. Make use of positive affirmations.

Believe in yourself and don’t give up. Self-confidence can be learned at any age. You can also try Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). Usually, it’s done with the help of a healthcare professional, but it can be done alone. If you feel too overwhelmed to try it alone, the above 4 steps will surely bump up your self-confidence.

Cultivating a Positive Self-Image

According to Psychology Today, overcoming self-criticism involves 3 strategies:

• A form of self-reflection: noticing what went well and what didn’t
• Taking note of the consequences of your negative thoughts and;
• Making a conscious decision to be kind to yourself

Sometimes it can be the most difficult thing to recognize everything that went well in the past day, week, month etc. It’s easy to focus on the things we didn’t get to or that we didn’t achieve.

This can lead to feeling even more demotivated and sluggish about ourselves. It can result in quitting altogether and ultimately limiting our growth.

Instead, look for the small things that you achieved:

• I worked out 3 times this week. This is an improvement from last week!
• I had less takeout and more homemade meals this week.
• I got to go for a walk twice this week with friends.

Your goals don’t have to be major if you’re just starting out. If the goal was to workout at least 4 days in a week – well, feel proud if you managed to do 3. This will motivate you to do even better next week. Just don’t give up.

Finally, be kind. If this was a friend struggling you would be cheering them on! Why not show the same compassion to yourself? Give yourself a pat on the back and a hearty “well done, babe.”

Building a Supportive Mindset

I’ve always been a firm believer in continuous improvement and growth. A number of years ago I worked at a manufacturing company introducing, implementing and maintaining their Quality Management System (ISO 9001:2015).

One of the main things about a QMS is continuous improvement. If we’re doing it for companies to continue growing, evolving and becoming better, why can’t we adopt those same habits on ourselves? We can and we should.

Let’s take for example you want to start long distance running. First, you’re going to start running. But to keep doing well you start doing it more often. Perhaps 5 days a week. You’ve reached a sweet spot but you’re cautious to not hit a plateau. What now?

Well, you can start doing some resistance training to strengthen certain muscle groups. This will not only prevent a plateau, but also help with your time. Afterwards you may even think of adjusting your diet or incorporating strength training with weights.

Growth Mindset for Self-Confidence

Having a growth mindset means that you believe that your talents and intelligence can be developed over time which can lead to higher self-confidence. According to Boise State University, there are 5 key elements to a growth mindset:

1. Believing your intelligence can be developed over time. In primary school I sucked at math. I couldn’t do or understand subtraction at all. I only started understanding it at around 9.
   
   I never did well in IQ tests in primary school either. But, by not giving up I received a cum laude for most of my subjects in university all while working 60 hours a week.
2. Embrace challenges. Believe in yourself so much that you won’t show away a challenge when it presents itself.
3. Persist even in the face of setbacks. I used to do high jump in high school and was probably the best in the team. However, in 10^th grade I didn’t make team. I received a lot of negative comments from people close to me telling me I’m “not built” for the sport.
   
   The following year, I trained so hard, made team and even went on to represent my team, my school and my area. A setback to me is just another challenge and another way to show myself of what I’m capable of.  
4. Effort should be seen as a path to mastery. Working hard is not a sign that you’re doing something wrong or that you don’t belong. It’s how you achieve success. No athlete trains once a week and makes team for the Olympics. Nothing in life comes easy.
5. Learn from criticism and find inspiration in the success of others. Don’t take criticism too personally. Find ways to learn from it and improve on it. Finally, get inspired by stories of success from others. Some of my favourite success stories are from Anthony Robbins, Jimmy Donaldson and David Pelzer. Get inspired and learn from them. They give valuable insight into the human spirit and what we are really capable of.

Embracing Personal Growth

Set achievable goals to boost your confidence. You can start small just to get your confidence up before moving on to something more challenging. If you don’t know how or where to start with goals, please read my article on setting and achieving goals the right way.

Celebrate the small victories along the way. All this may seem like a lot of hard work, but make it fun. Fun will never be associated with work. The more fun you have along the way the more likely you are to stick with it and gain self-confidence.

Mastering Assertive Communication

Learn techniques for effective communication and expressing yourself assertively. If you’re not sure what that entails and you need a guide on how to be more assertive, please read the full article on being assertive here.

Overcome your fear of rejection ad validation seeking. The only person you need validation from is yourself. And the only person holding you back is yourself. Stop doing that and start giving yourself some validation for your positive attributes, achievements, strengths and emotions.

How do you overcome your fear of rejection? Healthline has a number of tips to do this, here are some of my favorites:

• Remember that it happens to everyone and that it’s inevitable. You won’t always get the first job you apply for, your friend will at times ignore your message to hangout and you may get turned down for a date from time to time.
• Know your worth and keep reminding yourself of it. There are a few ways you can do this:
  • List 5 times you were proud of yourself
  • List the ways in which you practice our values
  • Remind yourself of everything you have to offer (a job, a partner, as a friend etc.)
• Get to the root of the problem. Try to figure out why you’re really so afraid of rejection. Once you get to the root of the problem, you will be able to address it.
• Accept help from your support network. This also means that you’re allowed to ask for help when you need it. Having people around who care will encourage you to achieve your goals and will still be there to comfort you when you don’t succeed.

Stepping Out of Comfort Zones

I’ve mentioned a couple of times that challenges should be embraced especially if you want to grow as a person. But how do we embrace a challenge in a safe manner that won’t do more harm than good?

• You have to make the decision to embrace the obstacle or challenge. It has to be a conscious decision that you make. By making that decision it shows that you are ready and am capable of overcoming and exceeding in the challenge.
• Next, you have to be okay with the discomfort. Discomfort now will lead to growth and more comfortability later. You have to learn to expand your current comfort zone and the only way to do that is to enter into discomfort.
• Support. Having the right support system will take you to new heights and you may even surprise yourself at how equipped you really are at taking on new challenges.
• Finally, show gratitude toward your obstacles. Without them, growth would not have been possible.

Self-Care and Confidence

It’s hard to feel good about ourselves if we neglect our bodies. Practicing self-care means doing something positive for your mind, body, and spirit. Therefore, you’ll naturally feel more confident.

Prioritize self-care to maintain a positive mindset. The best way to practice self-care is by:

• Following a good, nutritious diet
• Exercising regularly to release feel good hormones and have a positive body image
• Meditate to calm the mind and body. It can improve self-acceptance and limit negative self-talk
• Finally, remember to sleep well and reap all the benefits a good night’s rest holds.

Nurturing a Supportive Network for Self-Confidence and Growth

It’s been mentioned a lot throughout this guide how important a good support system is. But you also have to build a network of like-minded individuals for encouragement.

There’s this saying that you’ve probably heard before:

“You are the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with”. – Jim Rohn.

Average people are okay with being average and they have other drivers/motivators and that’s okay. But if you want to grow as a person, you have to be surrounded by others who are like-minded.

For you to increase your wins, you also have to increase your losses. It’s tough but worth it. Personal relationships can greatly influence our thinking, self-esteem and decisions-making.

If you’re constantly surrounded by people who love to go out, make regrettable decisions and willing to stagnate for a moment of pleasure, you’ll be influenced to end up the same.

Building Confidence in Various Life Areas

Learn to boost self-confidence in all areas of your life to improve personal and professional growth. Boosting confidence in relationships, career, and personal endeavors will increase your overall self-confidence and cement a growth mindset.

According to psychologist Nathaniel Branden, most mental and emotional problems that people face can be traced back to having poor self-esteem. He believed that by improving self-esteem you would also improve your performance.

Here are a few of my favorite exercises to increase confidence in all areas of life:

• Adopt a posture of confidence. According to the Harvard psychologist Amy Cuddy, confident body postures can have a positive effect on hormones.

• Practice mindfulness. It’s proven to have noteworthy benefits for your psychological and physical wellbeing.
• Exercising regularly can have a powerful effect on your confidence. To learn more on the effects of exercise on the brain, please read the full article here.
• Give yourself permission to make mistakes and take calculated risks. Mistakes should be viewed as a learning curve rather than failure. In order to achieve our goals, we have to learn from our mistakes and face our weaknesses.

And as mentioned before, set clear, achievable goals, be nice to yourself and remember to ask for help when needed.