What is Self-Acceptance and Why is it Important?

Self-acceptance is to fully accept yourself, characteristics, personality and everything that makes you YOU. We can (sometimes) get so stuck inside our own heads that we forget to take it easy on ourselves. Afterall, we’re still human.

Self-acceptance is important for a whole range of reasons, mostly relating to our mental health and personal wellbeing. However, all of this ultimately ties in with us becoming our best selves and continuously improving and growing as individuals.

What is Self Acceptance?

It should be a no-brainer that self-acceptance is accepting yourself for who and what you are. Self-acceptance also means accepting all your attributes and skills whether positive or negative.

There should be no discrimination from your side about accepting only certain parts of yourself. It’s accepting your whole self and being “okay” with it. Sometimes people feel like they are terrible people and have done terrible things.

I get that too. We feel like we have these terrible traits (along with the good) and we don’t know what to do about them. But that’s just the thing. It’s about accepting reality for what it is. It doesn’t necessarily mean that you like or enjoy that reality.

It’s about accepting yourself and acknowledging what you’ve done regardless if you agree with it or not. By no means do you have to appreciate or celebrate every aspect of yourself.

Why is Self-Acceptance Important?

Self-acceptance is fundamental to our overall wellbeing and mental health. This may be due to a link that exist between mental health and low levels of self-acceptance.

Having a low self-acceptance can have an affect on daily tasks, work, relationships and wellbeing. Here are a few reasons why you should take self-acceptance serious:

Being Honest About Your Strengths and Weaknesses

By accepting yourself you’re also accepting both your strengths and weaknesses. But before you can accept your strengths and weaknesses you have to be honest about them.

Self-acceptance enables us to be open and honest and understanding of our strengths and weaknesses. This in turn creates a more positive attitude toward who we really are creating the opportunity for personal growth.

Improves Self Image

By being honest with yourself about who and what you are, your characteristics and personality, you are taking the first steps toward self-acceptance and improving your overall self-image.

You can gain a more accurate and stronger sense of self image once you accept who you are (fully). It also ties in with a higher sense of confidence. It gives us a better understanding of our perceived negative qualities and that these don’t define us or form part of our self-worth.

Prevents Us From Holding Us Back

Basically, when we accept ourselves we gain a more positive self-image and gain confidence. By being more confident in ourselves we are also more “ready” to take action.

We know where our strengths and weaknesses are, therefore we know in which areas we need to work harder on. We know where to improve and what are capabilities are.

It also means that we have a more realistic view of our goals and will take the necessary steps to reach them. We’re more motivated to reach our goals when we have confidence in ourselves.

We view failures and setbacks as learning opportunities. Self-acceptance teaches us that failure does not define us and should not stand in our way to success.

Greater Self-Compassion

Self-compassion means treating yourself in the same loving way you would treat a good friend (Neff, 2023). It’s commonly known that we tend to be our own worst critics.

When we make mistakes, fail, don’t get it right the first time etc. we tend to talk down harshly to ourselves. We may even talk harshly to ourselves using words like “stupid”, “worthless”, “not good enough”. These are not things we say to our friends or family members when they make mistakes, so why would we talk to ourselves in that way?

Being kinder and having more compassion toward ourselves can make us more resilient in the face of setbacks.

Be Yourself

Since self-acceptance is being honest to yourself about yourself, you’ll naturally feel more comfortable being yourself.

Accepting yourself means you can be and show up as your own unique, authentic self without worrying about the judgements of others. You no longer feel the need to hide or be “in character” around others.

That’s how it’s supposed to be.

Conclusion

Self-acceptance is a circular motion of positivity. The more self-acceptance, the more positive the effect on other areas of your life.

By accepting yourself you’re more honest about your strengths and weaknesses which leads to a more positive self-image. Having a positive self-image means having more self-compassion.

Having more compassion toward yourself means you’re more resilient in the face of setbacks. Therefore, you gain more self-confidence which means you view failure and setback as opportunities to learn.

It also means that the goals you set will be more realistic and in line with who and what you really and truly are. Thus you gain greater independence and have a higher chance of reaching success.

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Can’t Say No? Learn How To Say “No”

Are you one of those people who just can’t seem to say no? You’re struggling with your current workload and yet you take on extra work when asked. Or perhaps your partner wants to go camping over the weekend and you agree even though you hate camping.

Whatever the scenario, you agree that you struggle to say “no”. Today we’ll look at reasons why some of us struggle with saying no and what we can do to learn how to say “no”.

Why We Can’t Say No

From a psychological aspect, the inability to say no stems from childhood. Many of us were brought up and taught to be polite. Part of being polite was doing what we’re told. If we say no it was interpreted as a form of back-chat.

In other, or more severe cases, refusing to do as we’re told meant punishment. So begins the cycle of negative reinforcement. However, it doesn’t always have a positive result.

Believing that saying no is bad can make it difficult for children to express their own feelings and preferences. For some, this might continue into adulthood.

Imposter Syndrome

Another reason we can’t say no (especially in a work situation), is due to something called imposter syndrome. We may feel like we’re not good enough or that our success in our current position was not deserved. Thus, we say yes to more work, to longer hours etc.

We say yes because we think our bosses may think we are unable to perform our responsibilities to the best of our ability. It can also be hard to say no to ourselves at times. We might say yes because we want to prove to ourselves that we CAN actually do the job we were assigned to do.

Empathy

According to Erin Eatough (2022), empathy and human nature is another reason we can’t say no. Since we are social creatures, we rely on human connection and that means we’re also afraid of disappointing others or creating conflict. This is due to our need for belonging.

Eatough makes use of a study from the University of Waterloo. People were asked to carry out certain tasks that went against their own ethical standing. Half of the subjects agreed to carry out the task(s) although they voiced their objections clearly. Why did they do this? Because saying no was too difficult.

However, this brings me to the next, and last reason why we can’t say no.

Authority

The Milgram Experiment was conducted in 1961. The purpose of the test was to examine the willingness of the individuals to obey an authority figure who instructed them to perform acts that go against their personal conscience and moral values.

The result of the experiment indicated that most people will commit unethical acts – acts that go against their own morals and values – if told by an authority figure to do so.

However, this can not only be evidenced by experiments, but real life as well. The strip search phone call scam is real life evidence that people will do almost anything when instructed by an authority figure.

A man, claiming to be a police officer, would call fast food restaurants and instruct a manager to perform a strip search on an employee. It included bizarre and humiliating acts and a violation of the victim’s rights.

Learn When to Say No

Struggling to say no is normal. But you can learn to say no by identifying signs of personal discomfort. The following signs are an indication that you might need to say no for your own good:

Feeling Uncomfortable

You know your own limits. If you are asked to do something that causes you to feel uncomfortable, you should rather say no. Take a breath and listen to your gut (or intuition).

People Pleasing

Pleasing others can be a natural incentive for performing tasks. However, if it comes at the cost of your own happiness and well-being it probably isn’t worth it.

Because of Work

There are a multitude of reasons why people can’t say no due to work. Learn to say no:

  • When you’re overloaded with work. Rather wait until you’ve finished a couple of projects before taking on new work. Learn to beat imposter syndrome and gain some valuable time management skills as this will show you when and where you have time for work. It will also allow you to have time for yourself – not family, not friends, no extra obligations, only YOU.
  • When you’re feeling guilty or obligated. You shouldn’t feel guilty or obligated to say yes to work from your superiors. Your job may require you to take on extra work when delegated by superiors but it doesn’t mean your time is less important than theirs.
  • When it crosses your boundaries. This one counts both for in and out of the office. If you struggle with placing clear boundaries, please read my full article here.

A Few Things to Consider

If you still can’t say no or are struggling to do so, ask yourself these questions before saying yes instead:

  • If I say yes, will it prevent me from focusing on something that’s (more) important to me?
  • What are my core values, beliefs and goals? Does this (event) align with my values, beliefs and goals?
  • Do I really have spare time, or will it cause burnout?
  • Is it good for my mental health?

Leant How to Say No

Let’s learn how to say no. You don’t want to peeve someone off by just bluntly saying “no”. I know people like that and others generally think they are rude. But I know them and that’s just who they are.

However, when it comes to work or people in general, you don’t want to come across as an a**hole by bluntly saying “no” when they ask you to dog-sit for them. So here’s what to do:

Be Clear

You can decline a request while being kind and respectful. Be clear about your no so that no one is left wondering what you really mean. Don’t give an unclear answer like “It’s tough to say”. Rather try something like “I’m sorry, but I’m not able to” or “Thanks, but that’s not going to work for me.”

Extend Gratitude

Sometimes the person asking the favor (or event) is someone that means a lot like a best friend or family member. In that case you can express gratitude that they thought of you for being the best person for the job.

However, you’re not able to do it. You can try:

  • Thank you for thinking of me. Unfortunately, I’m not able to.
  • You asking me really means a lot but sadly, I can’t.

Final Tips

Just know that you don’t have to give an explanation as to why you can’t babysit or go to that party you were invited to. Sometimes the reasons are personal – and YES self-care is personal too.

It’s also not your job to offer alternatives. If someone asked you to house-sit, it’s not your job to say no and offer a friend who may be willing to help. The stress should not be on you to solve their problem.

However, when it comes to work things might look a little different. If you’re unable to take on more work it would be wise to give a reason why. Your mental health is more important than taking on another project that you don’t have time for.

Therefore, brainstorming an alternative might be a good idea too. You are allowed to let your boss know if someone in the office is looking for extra work. Or if someone else might be better suited for the project.

Why Saying No Is Good For You

Saying no is a form of self-care. And we all know how important self-care is not only for your physical body, but for your mental health as well.

Therefore, saying no holds a lot of benefits. Some of them include:

  • Freeing up extra time for yourself. This time can and should be used to rest and recharge.
  • It sets clear boundaries (and maintains them) with loved ones and colleagues.
  • Saying no can help you engage in activities that aligns with your current goals.

Just remember, you can only have power over yourself. Don’t let anyone take that away from you. Exercise that power. It’s good for you.

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Why Regret is Pointless

Let’s discuss why regret is pointless.

It’s one of those gnawing feelings where you’re not sure what you should do and if there even is anything you can do to feel better. It puts your mind in overdrive and you’re thinking at about 1000km/h.

What do you do? What can you do? In this article I hope you give you good reason(s) to believe why regret is pointless and what you can or should do instead.

What is Regret

Regret is feeling sad or disappointed at something you have done or missed out on. It’s something you have either done or not done.

That’s putting it simply. However, regret can go so much deeper and I believe that it’s a mixture of a lot of emotions following an event.

You won’t always feel sad when you did or didn’t do something. You can also feel angry after the fact. Or you can feel like your whole world is falling into pieces because of that “event”. This is why regret is pointless.

It brings up all of these emotions that won’t get you anywhere. It will only make you feel worse, overthink and probably lead to some more bad choices. Not always, but it can.

Why Regret if There is a Solution

According to Neal Roese, a leader in the field of regret research, found that people rated regret to be favorable. This is due to the informational value it gives toward corrective action.

Roese also claims that regret fulfills 5 fuctions:

  • It helps you to make sense of the world
  • It prevents you from future negative behaviors
  • Helps with gaining insight
  • Promotes social harmony
  • Finally, it improves your ability to approach desired opportunities

Reasons Why Regret is Bad For You

Besides the negative emotions, regret can actually have devastating effects on our mental and physical health. This is due to the fact that the one can cause a reaction in the other.

Regret can result in chronic stress. This negatively affects our hormonal and immune system functioning. The worst of all is that it can impede our ability to recover from stressful life events.

That means that regret can affect our overall resiliency. It does so by extending its emotional reach for much longer than it should.

Not only does regret make you quiver from the inside, but prolonged stress (from regret) can lead to mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety.

The result? A compromised immune system and years of therapy. If you ever wondered why regret is bad or pointless, I hope this answers your question. So, what can or should we do instead?

How You Should Be Looking at Regret

Since feelings of regret can’t be stopped or erased altogether, there are a few things that you can do. Let’s have a look:

Reflect

Reflect on what had happened. See what worked and what didn’t. For example a failed relationship. Whether you got dumped or dumped the other person, the same process applies.

Reflect on what worked and what didn’t work in the relationship. All relationships have their strengths and weaknesses but there’s always a reason why they don’t work out. In most cases it’s for the best.

Reflecting will increase your confidence and give you a better understanding of yourself. It will also lead to personal growth.

For more on self reflection and learning of all the benefits that reflecting has to offer, please read my full article here.

Change Thought Patterns

Next, you might want to try changing your thought patterns to something a little more positive. It’s not always easy to do, so take some time to let all your emotions and feelings sink in before attempting to change your thought patterns.

Changing the way we think (about a situation or regret) requires CBT – cognitive behavioral therapy. When the negative thought caused by regret enters your mind, stop, examine and evaluate.

Evaluate the choice you made that resulted in feelings of regret. Do you generally put the blame on others, minimize your feelings, or do you ignore them altogether? This train of thought will result in feeling even worse. Take a breath and know that the choice you made is in the past.

Therefore, be kind to yourself. Having made this one bad choice does not mean you’re doomed to repeat the same mistakes. Learn from the mistake you made and gain some understanding of how to react in a similar situation in the future.

Take Time To Heal

Everyone has their own unique way of healing: Journaling, listening to music or calling a friend. What’s important is that you find time to do the things you like to do to help you heal.

Furthermore, your focus should be on relaxing, nourishing your body and re-energizing in a positive way. Constantly thinking about your regret will only keep those thoughts and feelings ever-present.

Thus, set new goals.

Create A New Set Of Goals

Why is regret pointless? Because it no longer has a hold on your future. That is why. Through reflecting and changing your thought patterns and learning comes understanding.

Through understanding comes knowledge and experience. Use your newly acquired knowledge and experience to set new, realistic goals. Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Is there anything I can do to repair the damage done?
  • Is there anything I can do to respond in a more positive manner to future situations?
  • What can I do to create a more positive outcome for future situations?

Seek Help

Finally, if you seem to struggle too much with your emotions then it might be time to call the professionals. Just like a clogged toilet, not everything can be fixed by ourselves. Sometimes we need to call the professionals before things get too messy.

There’s no shame in asking for help or needing to see a therapist because of something you regret. In most cases you’ll uncover some underlying, deeply buried trauma that’s been stopping you from completely healing. A trained professional can help you with that.

Conclusion

Regret isn’t necessarily something that’s pointless. And it’s not all that bad. Regret can teach us a lot about ourselves. We can learn from our mistakes and make better, more informed decisions in the future.

It can also teach us to be more resilient, better problem solvers and what NOT to do. But more importantly, it teaches us how to heal. And this is why regret is good.

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How to Heal Your Dysregulated Nervous System

It may seem like an impossible task to heal your dysregulated nervous system at times. If you’re not sure what it means to have a dysregulated nervous system, please take the time to read the full article here.

As previously mentioned, nervous system dysregulation means you have a sensitive nervous system. It means that physically and psychologically you’re in a constant fight-or-flight mode.

This is extremely unhealthy as it can wreck havoc on not only your physical health, but mental health as well. In this article I hope to provide you with some helpful tips on how to start healing or at least find some relief from a dysregulated nervous system.

Strategies to Heal Your Dysregulated Nervous System

It’s important to note that healing is not a one-size-fits-all process. Each individual heals in their own way. What may work for one person may not work for someone else.

Before trying any of these strategies, please make sure you understand what nervous system dysregulation is, how it manifests and what the signs and symptoms are to look out for.

Just know that you are not broken. Your nervous system is only doing it’s best to keep you alive in any way possible. Unfortunately, dysregulation is the one way it has learnt to cope. So, let’s start to heal your dysregulated nervous system.

Mindfulness and Breathwork

Relaxation and deep breathing techniques can activate the parasympathetic nervous system (for rest and relaxation) informing your mind and body that it is safe to exit the fight, flight, or freeze state.

There are multiple breathing techniques online that you can use and try out to calm your nervous system down. As mentioned before, not all will work for you but it is worth a try.

The box breathing technique requires an inhalation of 4 seconds with a 4 second hold, 4 seconds of exhaling and another 4 second pause before starting the process again. This can be repeated for 3 or 4 rounds.

Another method that can be tried is the Wim Hof method. This may not be for everyone and should be practiced with caution. Preferably it should be practiced with someone watching or guiding.

Personally, I’ve found the Wim Hof method to be longer lasting and much more relaxing. I usually make use of this method before bed to help me sleep. The only time I make use of the box method is during the day when I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.

Regular Physical Activity

If you want your dysregulated nervous system to heal, you have to understand that most of what you’re feeling and going through is due to excess energy.

When your sympathetic nervous system is activated, your brain releases a hormone called adrenaline and norepinephrine. These hormones are responsible for your fight, flight or freeze responses.

Therefore, getting regular exercise will calm you down. It may sound counterintuitive to do but exercise releases endorphins and other feel-good hormones that informs your body that you’re not in danger. Consequently, your nervous system will calm down afterwards.

If you’d like to learn more on how exercise and moving your body helps with mental health, please click here.

Healthy Eating

It should come as no surprise that there is a connection between nutrient rich foods and a healthy nervous system. If you want to heal a dysregulated nervous system, you have to also heal your body – through food!

According to Frontiers for Young Minds, the food we eat has an affect on our neurons. Neurons are the major cells of the brain. Unhealthy foods can cause inflammation of the neurons which could lead to a decrease in mental health.

Neurons communicate with each other and with other organs including muscles. We require uninterrupted communication (messages sent from the brain to other parts of the body / organs) as it allows us to not only perform physical tasks but to also perform cognitive tasks.

Thus, when our brain isn’t working properly it can change the way we think and act. It can also change the way we feel.

Therefore, a diet rich in nutrients like omega-3 fatty acids, antioxidants and magnesium is beneficial for the brain. It can lead to an improvement of formation of neurons, improved attention, thinking and memory.

Getting Enough ZZs

We all know that getting enough sleep is important but did you know it can also help to heal your dysregulated nervous system?

Getting enough sleep can:

  • Have an effect on the size of your testicles and levels of testosterone
  • Reduce your chance of getting a heart attach
  • Increase your ability to retain (new) information
  • Increase cell activity, especially killer cells that fight illnesses like cancer and tumors
  • Reduce stress and improve your mood

Talk to Someone

Social connections are also important when it comes to healing nervous system dysregulation. If you aren’t able to afford seeing a professional, then having a close friend or family member will do just as well.

It’s not always about finding a solution or having someone tell you what is wrong with you. Sometimes all you need is someone who cares, loves and truly listens to you.

Unpacking about what’s going on to a close friend or family member will do wonders for you. They may not have all the answers or knowledge but they have ears and an open heart.

Having close social connections will provide you with feelings of community, support and warmth.

However, when things are really tough and talking to a friend or family member is not enough, I strongly encourage you to seek professional help. At the end of the day they have the knowledge and skills to successfully guide your healing process.

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What Does a Dysregulated Nervous System Look Like?

A dysregulated nervous system is a sensitive nervous system. Dysregulation in the nervous system shows up as burnout, anxiety and trauma amongst others.

The problem with living with a dysregulated nervous system is that it can make us respond in seemingly inappropriate ways. It’s not necessarily our fault, however others don’t always understand what we’re going through.

In this article I’ll discuss the following:

  • The manifestation of a dysregulated nervous system
  • Signs of a dysregulated nervous system

The Manifestation of Nervous System Dysregulation

According to MindHealth 360, a dysregulated nervous system is usually caused by some sort of unresolved stress or issue from our past.

However, it can also be caused by a biochemical, psycho-spiritual and / or social-behavioral factors including:

  • Past trauma
  • Chronic stress
  • Substance abuse
  • Major life changes (death of a loved one; divorce; pregnancy etc.)
  • Difficult environmental, economic, social circumstances
  • Autoimmune disease
  • Inflammation

Although we may not always think that certain illnesses can cause a dysregulated nervous system, we have to keep in mind that our bodies interpret threat in the same way whether psychological or physiological.

What is a Dysregulated Nervous System?

A dysregulated nervous system means that there is an imbalance between the parasympathetic and sympathetic branches of the autonomic nervous system.

Let’s break it down:

The autonomic nervous system is divided into two systems namely the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems.

Being in a state of dysregulation is your body’s way of saying that you need to do some more, deeper healing. Find what it is that’s causing the dysregulation and let the healing process begin.

Signs of Nervous System Dysregulation

Suffering from a dysregulated nervous system can show up as burnout, anxiety and past trauma, as mentioned earlier.

During burnout there’s an increase in cortisol and activation of the sympathetic nervous system. This impacts the functional and structural parts of the brain. Sometimes this can look like:

  • Increase in irritability
  • Reduced connection with others and the environment
  • Reduction in empathy with loved ones
  • Brain fog and decrease in concentration
  • Emotionally exhausted
  • Constant tension in the body i.e. stiff neck and shoulders, headaches, back pain and tension in the jaw
  • Struggling with sleep
  • Gastrointestinal distress
  • Mental health conditions
  • Anxiety

Conclusion

If this is the first time you’re hearing of nervous system dysregulation, that’s great. Either you’re learning something about yourself or of someone else close to you.

These individuals are sensitive and feel things differently from those not suffering from nervous system dysregulation. They may be perfectionists resulting in dealing with immense pressure that they place on themselves.

These individuals can also be quite sensitive to judgement from others. This leads them to feel like they constantly need to prove themselves to others.

Sometimes they’re just introverted and keep to themselves. However, this can leave them feeling unsupported. All these factors have a role to play in their resulting burnout.

By being aware of these factors and signs, they can take the necessary steps to either prevent or further complicate their condition. Just remember there is help. The first step is to talk about it.

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How to Stay Fit While Travelling

I recently moved abroad. Fitness and healthy eating has become part of my daily life. However, that does not mean it is always easy to stay fit and continue eating the way I’m used to when travelling.

So, in this post I will give some tips and tricks that worked for me to stay fit and continue a healthy lifestyle while travelling.

Things You Can Bring On Your Trip

Knowing that weight is a big deal when travelling, you want to keep your fitness gear to a minimum. This does not mean you should bring nothing.

Back home I had a number of dumbbells, kettlebells, skipping rope, loop / resistance bands etc. Unfortunately, I was only able to bring a couple of things:

  • My running shoes – and they saved me!
  • Resistance bands – dumbbells are too heavy; and
  • Skipping rope

All these items are light and take up little space in luggage bags. Although they are inexpensive – and I could have bought them on Amazon – I would rather take with what I can and buy the things I was not able to bring.

Doing this not only saved me money, but I was able to start exercising from the moment I landed. Staying fit while travelling should be easy and should not require you to leave something behind that is sentimental or important to you.

But, you also don’t want to NOT bring training gear / equipment and lose the muscle or fitness levels you gained before your travels. So choose wisely.

Using What You Have To Stay Fit While Travelling

You’ve got minimum gear. Now what? It doesn’t matter what kind of sport you did before travelling. For a while you might not be able to do or afford to do the sport you did.

But to keep from falling too far behind in your fitness or losing too much muscle, you have to do something, right?

A cyclist may not be able to afford a new bicycle right away. Nor would a hockey player be able to join a hockey club and afford gear right away. Here are a few tips for doing the best with what you have:

Running Shoes

Running shoes are not only for running. We walk everywhere. It’s a good way to get in your daily steps. In my home country we couldn’t walk anywhere due to the high crime rate.

Now, I can walk where I want when I want. It’s wonderful. The same goes for running. I take morning runs and spend time in nature. You don’t need a gym for that.

Resistance / Loop Bands

These I use for strength training. Since I was unable to bring my dumbbells and kettlebells with, I was still able to bring resistance / loop bands since they are extremely light weight and take little space.

Sometimes you have to get a little creative with resistance bands to work certain muscle groups, but otherwise they have been a life (muscle) saver!

They may not be as “heavy” as your usual weights, but they get the job done and they work the muscles a little different from dumbbells.

According to and article by Cleveland Clinic, resistance bands have shown to provide similar strength gains as conventional gym equipment. Resistance bands tend to put more tension on the muscle for longer periods during movement.

Skipping Rope

Skipping rope has exploded since the pandemic (COVID-19) hit the planet. Everyone started using skipping ropes to stay in shape. So why should it be any different when travelling to stay fit?

On the days that you are unable to walk or run due to weather (or if you just prefer skipping over running) skipping can be a great alternative. Skipping can be done indoors – like in a garage – or any area with a roof.

This exercise holds most of the same benefits as any other cardiovascular exercise:

  • Improves heart health
  • Increases bone density
  • Boosts mental health
  • Decreases belly fat
  • Improves concentration
  • Decreases fatigue

Body Weight: Using Yourself

You always have the option of using only your body and nothing else. Push-ups, mountain climbers, jumping jacks, HIIT etc. are all exercises that don’t necessarily require any equipment.

Body weight workouts can include strength and cardio with basically no extra equipment. Yoga is another challenging, yet rewarding form of exercise to stay fit and build some muscle.

Finally, another one of my biggest help was an app called FitOn. I use it all the time and it helps with not having to plan a workout. I just choose a simple workout and leave the guesswork to the app. It’s free to use anywhere, anytime and at your own pace.

Conclusion

Now you know how to stay fit when travelling. You don’t need a lot – in fact, you only need yourself.

Remember fitness should not only be about your body and keeping your body healthy. Although this is a major factor in wanting to move and keep fit, you should also be doing it for the benefit of your mental health.

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Overcome Imposter Syndrome: Understand and Conquer Self-Doubt

If you’re wondering how to overcome Imposter Syndrome you firstly have to understand what the term means. Imposter syndrome refers to the inability to accept that your success is deserved or legitimately achieved.

According to the Journal of Mental Health and Clinical Psychology, imposter syndrome prevalence varies widely from 9% to 82%. This is dependent on the recruitment strategy for the study.

Imposter syndrome affects both men and women of all ages. However, the studies done found that an increase in age was associated with a decrease in imposter feelings. There are a few studies that found that age had no effect on the increase or decrease of imposter feelings.

What is Imposter Syndrome?

It may seem impossible at times to overcome imposter syndrome especially when faced with the symptoms, signs or characteristics of it. Some of them include:

  • Feeling like your success was not deserved
  • Having feelings of self-doubt
  • Attributing your success to external factors
  • Sabotaging your own success
  • Having unrealistic expectations and fearing that you can’t live up to them
  • Being unable to realistically assess your own skills and competency
  • Feeling disappointed when you fall short of your own unrealistic / challenging goals

Some (to most) of us feel some of the above on a regular basis. But do we know how it manifests?

Well, imposter syndrome may first start out as just a little gnawing voice in our heads berating us. This can also be referred to as negative self-talk. This eventually becomes a habit and will lead to an increase of a lowered self-esteem, stress and anxiety.

If this continues it can turn into mental health disorders like depression or generalized anxiety disorder. The good news is that imposter syndrome can be overcome.

How Imposter Syndrome Affects the Body

It’s not surprising that imposter syndrome can have psychological as well as physical effects. This is due to the fact that the mind and body is connected. Whatever affects us mentally will surely affect us physically.

Psychological Effects

The psychological effects of imposter syndrome include, but is not limited to:

  1. Anxiety and Stress
  2. Low Self-Esteem
  3. Perfectionism

The reason for this is that we constantly feel pressured to achieve. This pressure can come from our occupation (for instance sales, our bosses or managers), our families

Physical Effects

  1. Fatigue and Sleep Disturbances
  2. Digestive Issues
  3. Headaches and Muscle Tension

Where Imposter Syndrome Comes From

  1. High-Achieving Environments
  2. Early Life Experiences and Upbringing
  3. Comparison Culture and social media

High-achieving environments can include anything from work to family. Sometimes we may find ourselves always feeling the need to compete with another sibling or being the best in the team at work.

Imposter syndrome can also be something we grew up with. Not directly, though. Were you ever told to earn your way to the top or told by others that you didn’t work hard enough to earn your position? It’s easy for others to judge when they have no idea what we o through on a daily basis.

Just remember, we’re not all built the same. What may be easy for some may also be extremely difficult for someone else. Stop comparing yourself and your achievements to others and telling yourself “I don’t deserve this” or “I’m not good enough for this job”.

Be careful of the social media you consume. It can make you feel even worse. Social media has the tendency to exacerbate your feelings of self-doubt and undeserved success.

Strategies to Overcome Imposter Syndromes

There are ways to overcome imposter syndrome or at least to lessen its affects it has on us. Below are a few things you can try to help cope with the negative voice in your mind.

Recognizing and Acknowledging Imposter Feelings

Reframing Negative Thoughts

Cultivating Self-Compassion and Self-Acceptance

  • Practicing Mindfulness and Meditation
  • Learning to Forgive Yourself

Building a Supportive Network

  • Mentors and Role Models
  • Surrounding Yourself with Positive Influences
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Harnessing the Power of a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

The definition of s self-fulfilling prophecy is quite simple: our beliefs about others (or ourselves) lead us to treat them in such a way that they later become exactly what we expect them to be.

This not only applies to the behavior of others, but extends to ourselves and what we tend to believe about our future, our abilities and our skills. Self-fulfilling prophecies can be efficacious or it can be detrimental. It all depends on what we choose to believe.

The focus of this article will be on:

  • What a self-fulfilling prophecy is
  • Other psychological factors at play
  • How you can use it to your advantage

Understanding What a Self-Fulfilling Prophecy is

A self-fulfilling prophecy is the manifestation of a belief or expectation that an individual holds (Ackerman, 2018). It manifests because the individual will unconsciously work to affirm their belief or expectation.

One of the oldest indications of a self-fulfilling prophecy is the story of Oedipus who killed his own father and married his mother. His father, Laius, was told that he would be killed by his son. He therefore abandoned Oedipus and left him to die.

Oedipus was then raised by foster parents assuming they were his real parents. One day he was met with a dire warning – that he would end up killing his father and marrying his widowed mother.

To avoid this from happening he runs away from his foster parents and heads off to the city. There he meets a stranger, ends up in a fight with him and kills him. He proceeds to marry the stranger’s widow.

Only later he finds out that the stranger was his real father and the woman he married was his real mother. By trying to avoid fate, both ended up manifesting their prophecies.

Psychological Mechanisms at Play

However, there are other psychological mechanisms at play when it comes to self-fulfilling prophecies. Sometimes our manifestations are a result of confirmation biases.

A confirmation bias is having a tendency to only view evidence that confirms your existing beliefs or theories. This is something that happens to most people, if not everyone.

An example of this is holding the belief that blond girls are less intelligent than dark-headed girls. Whenever this individual encounter a blond girl that made a silly error, they place greater importance on this “evidence” that is in support of their existing belief.

Holding this belief ultimately leads individuals to treating blond girls in a certain way to make them out to be “dumb” or “dilly”. The same can be applied to any other beliefs we have.

We only look at supporting evidence to confirm our beliefs and then behave in such a way that our circumstances become exactly what we expected them to be or become.

This is also called the Pygmalion effect: where our expectations of others have an impact on our behavior, thoughts and feelings toward them. It is a type of self-fulfilling prophecy that involves interpersonal processes.

The Power of Positive Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

This begs the question – how can we have self-fulfilling prophecies work to our advantage? This might seem like a cliché but positive beliefs shape our actions and attitudes.

Just like holding negative beliefs about yourself can influence your behavior in such a way that you become what you expected, so can positive beliefs do the same.

If you hold the belief that you will do well in a test or at your new job you will most likely:

  • Put in more effort
  • Rebound better from adversity
  • Have better concentration for the task at hand and
  • Be more relaxed while at work or during the test

The cyclical nature of negative self-fulfilling prophecies can be detrimental to our mental health. It can have a devastating effect on the development and deepening of depression and anxiety.

Alternatively, positive self-fulfilling prophecies can be advantageous as it enhances performance and confidence. Studies have shown that athletes and other performers who hold positive expectations tend to outperform those with negative expectations.

Using the Self-Fulfilling Prophecy to Your Advantage

There are various ways in which you can use a self-fulfilling prophecy to your advantage:

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How to Develop Resilience

If you want to know how to develop resilience, then you’ve come to the right place. Resilience is your ability to bounce back from hardship and everyday stress. It’s what keeps us from getting and staying depressed and anxious.

In this article we’ll look at some of the following:

  • Why building resilience is important
  • Whether resilience can be developed
  • How you can develop resilience

Why Building Resilience Is Important

In life we face various challenges and uncertainties. These can be experienced in your personal, professional or academic areas like:

  • Losing a friend, family member or loved on
  • Be demoted or suffering a loss of income
  • Failing in a test
  • Not getting accepted into college
  • Getting negative feedback from your boss
  • Didn’t get the job you applied for

These are only a drop in the ocean of challenges that we can face in life. But having resilience is the key trait you need to navigate through adversity. Having resilience will help you to adapt to the situation and keep you functioning optimally when facing adversity.

If you can develop resilience, you will not only grow as an individual, but your mental well-being will be enhanced as well. Having resilience means you are protected from mental health conditions like anxiety and depression.

However, it can also offset factors that can increase your risk of mental health conditions like losing a loved one or past trauma.

Can Resilience Be Developed?

Resilience is not an inherent trait. You can and are able to develop resilience. However, it takes some time and you might consider talking to a mental health professional.

According to a study done by Willmore, Cameron, Yang, Witten & Falkner (Nature, 2022) they found that resilience can be developed, learned and even reinforced. The study was done by placing small mice near larger, more aggressive mice.

They found a link between the displayed defensive behavior (of the smaller mice) and resilience after the stressful event had occurred. The scientists also found that by activating dopamine while defensive could further reinforce resilience.

However, the 2nd group of mice did not display defensive behavior and ended up displaying depression-like symptoms like social avoidance. They also found that stimulating dopamine during the avoidant behavior did not cause the mice to be more resilient.

It would seem that to develop resilience is influenced by various factors such as mindset, body language, support systems, and coping strategies. Your body language can have a great effect on your overall mindset and vice versa.

By making a conscious choice to fight back and adopting the right body language (defensive stance), the researchers found that the mice produced more dopamine which the brain sees as a reward.

You just have to get up, dust off and decide not to dwell on your hardships and your brain will automatically reward you for it. The more you do it, the more it becomes a habit and the less you have to choose to do it. It just becomes second nature to be more resilient in the face of failure, adversity or setbacks.

How to Develop Resilience

Below are 6 steps that you can take to develop resilience.

Cultivating a Growth Mindset

Having a growth mindset is understanding that intelligence and talent is not necessarily something you are born with. These are not static and can change over time.

They change when we learn from our failures and setbacks. It’s understanding that hardship can be a learning opportunity, but you have to actively look at your situation and find what it is you can take from it and learn.

For a full guide on developing a growth mindset, please read my full article here.

Building Strong Social Connections

Part of developing resilience is having strong social connections. These can be built through joining communities, reaching out to friends and family, and participating in group activities.

According to a study done by Yildirim and Celik (2020), a link was found between social support, resilience and overall satisfaction with life. They were able to also establish that resilience predicted life satisfaction.

Social support can enhance close ties with others and help individuals feel like they are part of a group. It also helps with developing social bonds and feeling affiliated. The study claims that different forms of social support can help individuals deal with adversities in life.

Other empirical evidence confirms that social support decreases mental health symptoms related to depression and anxiety, and enhances:

  • Quality of life
  • Life satisfactions
  • Resilience

Therefore, it’s important to have close social ties with friends, family and significant others. It’s more beneficial to your mental and physical wellbeing than being alone.

Developing Effective Coping Strategies

Psychologists (Navsaria, 2020) claim that there are 4 key ingredients when it comes to developing coping skills for resilience:

Connections

Connections here refers to social connections as mentioned above. But to add to this it might be a good idea to also reach out to people on forums that may share the same interests as you.

It can also be beneficial to discuss specific topics related to your problem. This can be used as a reminder that you are not alone in the face of your specific challenges.

Wellness

Wellness includes self-care, nutrition, sleep, hydration, exercise, practicing mindfulness and making space for yourself.

To function optimally emotionally, you have to also function optimally mentally and physically. This can only be achieved if you’re taking care of your body by eating healthily, exercising daily (even if it’s just going for walks), getting enough sleep and drinking plenty of water.

Wellness is also about finding an outlet for your emotions. If journaling helps you do that, then try and create a routine around journaling. Include mindfulness by writing outside and using all of your senses.

Healthy Thinking

Do you think your thoughts are helping you cope or are they negative and unrealistic? Find ways to reframe your thoughts to be more positive and realistic.

When you’re down and struggling mentally, it’s beneficial to identify areas of hope and things that make you feel grateful. Focus on the things that you can change rather than feeling hopeless about the things you cannot.

Find Meaning and Purpose

Break your problems down into smaller, manageable pieces to find solutions. Identify goals that you can start working towards. This will give you a sense of purpose as you’re moving toward something that has meaning for you.

Finally, celebrate your own strength and growth. This will encourage you to continue working towards goals, facing challenges and finding new solutions even in stressful times.

Seeking Professional Help if Needed

Building resilience can be challenging for some individuals. If you are one of those people then seeking professional help, such as therapy, counselling, or a life coach when struggling to develop resilience will be of great benefit to you.

Find someone that you are comfortable with. Most therapists and life coaches will agree to one free discovery call to see if they are a great fit for the client. There is no shame in seeking help with something you don’t know a lot about.

If you are struggling with building resilience, reframing your mindset or achieving your personal goals, then you can always email me on elke.dume@hotmail.com for a free discovery call.

I’m a certified life and personal development coach, and counsellor with years of experience working in a psychiatric hospital. No matter how tough life was at certain times, I still found a way to achieve my goals, grow and become successful and I can help you do the same.

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Techniques to Cultivate a Growth Mindset


In a world filled with constant change and challenges, developing a growth mindset is not just a luxury, but a necessity. Embracing the power of a growth mindset can unlock untapped potential, transforming how we approach obstacles and opportunities alike.

In this blog article, we will explore a range of techniques that can help you cultivate and nurture a growth mindset, empowering you to thrive in both personal and professional realms.

Is Growth Mindset a Skill?

There exists the misconception that a growth mindset is an inherent trait. This is absolutely not true.

A growth mindset can be developed and cultivated through deliberate effort and practice. Your brain has the ability to grow and change over time when exposed to new things. This is more so when learning and developing new skills.

What Does a Growth Mindset Mean?

So then, what is a growth mindset? I’ve touched on this before, but a growth mindset describes the way in which we view challenges and setbacks. It’s viewing those challenges and setbacks as:

Having a growth mindset means to embrace challenges, persisting in the face of setbacks, and seeing effort as a path to mastery.

Nothing in life comes easy. If reaching your goals and becoming successful was easy, everyone would do it. Therefore, if you want to become successful and level up you have to embrace challenges.

With embracing challenges comes persistence. Persisting in the face of setbacks takes effort and effort should be seen as your path to mastery. Learning new things and becoming proficient in them is an achievement. That’s how you level up.

Why Is Growth Mindset Important?

Having a growth mindset is important for personal and professional development. If you continually believe that you cannot be any better at something then you’ll never learn to grow.

Yes, some people are born with certain talents. But they still need to train and learn everything they can to become the best at that specific talent. The same can be applied to any skill or talent.

No one is born knowing their full range of talents. It’s only once they start practicing that they discover what they’re good at. You just have to believe in yourself and know that you are good at certain things too. And that you can become better at them over time.

A growth mindset provides motivation to learn and practice. Thus, enabling us to bounce back from failures and continue to learn. This is what is called resilience. It’s having the capacity to withstand and recover from difficulty.

It also enhances our problem-solving abilities and encourages us to take on new challenges.

Benefits of Having a Growth Mindset and How It Can Lead to Success

It should come as no surprise that having a growth mindset comes with numerous benefits including:

  • Higher resiliency
  • Increased motivation
  • Increased perseverance
  • Greater success long term

According to a McKinsey & Co. report (2017), up to 375 million workers have to either learn new skills or change roles by 2030. Those with a growth mindset will therefore, advance in their careers while those who believe they are inadequate won’t.

Learning, and wanting to learn, means you stay a step ahead of the rest. Doing things by trial-and-error also means you get to retain more information giving you the motivation to continue to do so.

A growth mindset fosters a love for learning and a desire for continuous improvement. This can lead to increased productivity, creativity, and innovation.

Techniques to Cultivate a Growth Mindset

Below are a few techniques that you can use to cultivate a growth mindset.

Embracing Challenges and Viewing Failure as Learning Opportunities

It’s important to embrace challenges and reframe failures as stepping stones to growth. Ultimately, embracing challenges gives you the opportunity to expand on your current skills.

The more you know, the more capable you’ll be to take on new job opportunities and grow as an individual. However, success should not only be measured by how much we earn, but also in terms of what we know and can teach others.

This includes the skills and knowledge that we can teach the next generation. Some aspire to be great, loving and supportive parents while others wish to be the next David Copperfield.

Let your aspirations drive your motivation to continue learning, gain knowledge and enable you to persevere through hardships.

Cultivating a Positive and Open Mindset

Being positive 100% of the time may not be realistic. If you’re struggling to stay positive, that’s okay. Life has become so fast-paced that at times it can be hard to keep up.

Everyone moves at their own pace, and that’s okay. It’s normal. The key is to take your time when you’re having a tough day, but then getting up again and moving on. One way to do this is through positive self-talk.

Positive self-talk can help reframe your negative thoughts and is necessary for the development of a growth mindset. I have one phrase that I always use:

You can do anything, achieve anything, that you put your mind to.

This is my favorite. I have a couple others that I also use depending on what I’m struggling with. I always back up those words with hurdles of things that I’ve already overcome and things I have achieved.

Knowing your capabilities and having the evidence to back it up will lead to higher confidence and foster self-belief. The one positive action will lead to the next. The effort you have to put in is minimal.

Setting Realistic and Stretch Goals

Nothing can be fully achieved if we don’t set the right goals in the right manner. Therefore, it’s best practice to set specific, measurable, achievable, relevant goals that are time-bound (SMART).

For a complete guide on setting SMART goals, please click this link.

To continue with your growth mindset, also means celebrating the small victories. You were able to lose 2 pounds this week, well done! Celebrate with a friend by doing an activity that you love.

Overcame a hurdle at work by solving a problem and getting recognition, nice! Celebrate it. Increase the positive self-talk. Give yourself a pat on the back. Anything, as long as it drives you and makes you feel good.

Each step of a smaller goal, to ultimately reach your top goal, achieved should be celebrated. However, reflection is just as important. At the end of each week write down the things that worked well and things that you would like to change.

Don’t neglect to include the things that you achieved this week. Perhaps you wanted to lose 4 pounds, but only managed 2 – that’s still a great achievement. You should be proud.

It doesn’t matter if you reached your goal to it’s fullest when starting out. What matters is that you don’t let it discourage you from reaching your fullest potential.

Seeking Feedback and Embracing Continuous Learning

Seeking feedback is not the same as seeking validation. What you’re looking for is feedback that is constructive and something you can take away from.

If you’re wanting to succeed and grow in your professional life then asking your boss or manager about your performance and gaps during a KPI discussion will be helpful. You are allowed to ask them where your gaps are, where you need some improvement and where you’re doing well.

Having an outsider give you information can be beneficial. They see things that you don’t. Knowing where you need to improve is a new opportunity to reflect and reconfigure your gameplan to improve on the areas that you’re lacking in.

Perhaps you want to gain more speed in your running. Not sure what’s causing a plateau? Ask a personal trainer to help you. They will see things regarding your stride, posture, feet etc. that you can’t see.

Don’t be afraid to seek feedback. It’s crucial to your personal growth.

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